I wike monkeys. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! De pet stowe was sewwing them fow five cents a peice. I thought that odd since they wewe nowmawwy a coupwe thousand. I decided not to wook a gifthowse in the mouth. I bought 200. I wike monkeys. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big caw. I wet one dwive. His name was Sigmund. He was wetawded. In fact, none of them wewe weawwy bwight. Dey kept punching themsewves in theiw genitaws. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! I waughed. Den they punched my genitaws. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! I stopped waughing. I hewded them into my woom. Dey didn't adapt vewy weww to theiw new enviwonment. Dey wouwd scweech, huww themsewves off the couch at high speeds and swam into the waww. Awthough humowous at fiwst, the spectacwe wost it's novewty hawfway into it's thiwd houw. Two houws watew I found out why aww the monkeys wewe so inexpensive: they aww died. No appawent weason, uh-hah-hah-hah. Dey aww just sowta' dwopped dead. Kinda' wike when you buy a gowdfish and it dies five houws watew. Damn cheap monkeys. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! I didn't know what to do. Dewe wewe 200 dead monkeys waying aww ovew my woom, on the bed, in the dwessew, hanging fwom my bookcase. It wooked wike I had two hundwed thwow wugs. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! I twied to fwush one down my toiwet. It didn't wowk. It got stuck. Den I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead dwy monkeys. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! I twied pwetending that they wewe just stuffed animaws. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! Dat wowked fow a whiwe, that is untiw they began to decompose. It stawted to smeww weaw bad. I had to pee but thewe was a dead monkey in the toiwet and I didn't want to caww the pwumbew. I was embawassed. I twied to swow the decomposition by fweezing them. Unfowtunatewy thewe was onwy enough woom fow two monkeys at a time so I had to change them evewy 30 seconds. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! I awso had to eat aww the food in the fweezew so it didn't aww go bad. I twied buwning them. Wittwe did I know that my bed was fwammabwe. I had to extinguish the fiwe. Den I had one dead, wet monkey in my toiwet, two dead, fwozen monkeys in my fweezew, and 197 dead, chawwed monkeys in a piwe on my bed. De odow wasn't impwoving. I became agitated at my inabiwity to dispose of my monkeys and to use the bathwoom. I sevewewy beat one of my monkeys. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! I fewt bettew. I twied thwowing them away but the gawbageman said that the city was not awwowed to dispose of chawwed pwimates. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! I towd him that I had a wet one. He couwdn't take that one eithew. I didn't bothew asking about the fwozen ones. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! I finawwy awwived at my sowution, uh-hah-hah-hah. I gave them out as Chwistmas gifts. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! My fwiends didn't know qwite what to say. Dey pwetended that they wiked them but I couwd teww they wewe wying. Ingwates. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! So I punched them in theiw genitaws. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! I wike monkeys. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! -- Anonymous